The Bite Size Podcast with Lorayne Michaels
A podcast for anyone wanting to become a better human! We'll discuss everything from faith, to life, to business, mental health and healing. Everyone has a story and a journey. I have created this space for you to come and learn. Hear from other amazing humans and how their mess became their message! We all go through trials and tests but only some surrender and let it be their TESTimony! Welcome to the BITE SIZE Podcast Friends!
The Bite Size Podcast with Lorayne Michaels
Trusting the Process: A Battle of Depression
Ever found yourself wondering if there's a deeper purpose to the pain you've experienced? Join me, Lorayne Michaels, as I reveal how embracing the power of choice can transform our journey through life's toughest challenges into a path of redemption and healing. My personal battle with depression and anxiety has taught me invaluable lessons about the divine design of our lives and how each of us can tap into our unique purpose. Discover how the stories we carry and the choices we make can lead to profound personal growth and a newfound sense of meaning.
Relationships can be both the source and the solution to our struggles, and I've learned this firsthand. Through a candid look at my experiences with multiple failed marriages, I emphasize the importance of doing the internal work necessary for fostering healthy connections. By confronting personal demons and breaking free from cycles of negativity, we can cultivate resilience and hope. This episode encourages you to reflect deeply, ask yourself hard questions, and focus on healing internal wounds to transform past pain into personal growth.
Faith has been my anchor through life's storms, offering hope and restoration when all seemed lost. Drawing from biblical inspiration, I discuss the power of surrender and how trusting in God's will has guided my journey of healing. As we look forward to a new year, let this be a reminder that your past does not disqualify you from a purposeful future. Together, let's explore the possibility of transformation and the joy of leaning into faith to find peace and strength amidst life's challenges.
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Email Me: LorayneMichaels22@gmail.com
Welcome to the Bite Size Podcast. I'm your host, lorraine Michaels, former EMT and nursing assistant, now business owner and wild entrepreneur. I walked away from over 15 years in medicine to pursue my passion and my God-given talents. Now I get the honor of helping other women discover their passions and purpose. If you're feeling stuck in life, unsure where to go or what to do, welcome. If you're exactly where you want to be great, you're welcome here too. If you have faced any kind of hardship or setback, you have found a safe place here. In other words, no matter who you are or what you've been through, or what you're going through, this is the space for you. On the Bite Size podcast, we'll discuss life, business and faith. There's something for everyone. So grab a cup of coffee and something to take notes with, because there will definitely be things you won't want to forget. What's going on, friends, welcome back to another episode of the Bite Size Podcast. I am your faithful and bright-eyed and bushy-tailed host, lorraine Michaels. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed that's funny man. Your girl has been through it.
Speaker 1:This year has been one of the most difficult years of my life, and specifically, one of the most difficult seasons of my life, so I can't wait to dive into this episode with you today, my friend. I want to talk about some things that are heavy and maybe some things that you're going through or you know someone that's going through them. But I feel like the Lord has allowed me to suffer, endure, walk through and currently still walking through, but I'm at a place where I feel like I have this opportunity. I don't want to say platform, I mean, yes, god has given me a platform, but I also think like I've given it to myself, so I'm very sensitive around that subject. Like I know I do not have a huge platform and I know that it can be taken from me at any point in time. I also know that I can walk away from it at any point in time, because I've done that. But I say this with loose hands, but also I say it with a seriousness of that. I know that my message will reach, that my message will reach whomever is supposed to hear it. So, yeah, I say all that because it's like I know I don't have a gigantic following and I'm not like my platform. La la la. I know there's probably like nine of you that listen to this, but I also know that the Lord has been stretching me and growing me and that there will be a person that hears this that will need it. And I also know and have faith that there might be a time and a day where this freaking blows up and it reaches thousands, if not millions, of people. So I carry both of those in my hands loosely.
Speaker 1:Anyways, today I want to talk about how your story matters and that there's redemption and healing and purpose in each and every one of your lives and, if you are open and receptive to it, it is a power and an option that is available to you and for you. So everyone has a story, everyone has a story, everyone has a purpose, and I'm not here to press my beliefs on anyone. I, as you know, if you love me and follow me and listen to me, you know that I am a faithful believer in Jesus and I would not be here if it was not for him. I would be remiss if I didn't share the gospel and the good news with you, whoever you are, wherever you're listening, and it is available to you and for you. And God is a God of miracles and I fully, 100% believe that and he is able to do all things, see all things, heal all things, love all things, change all things.
Speaker 1:Anyways, I digress, I digress the divine design of your life. God has created everyone and everything with a purpose. If you look at the animals, if you look at the plants, if you look at this whole entire earth and you break it down scientifically, if you will, we can even go that everything has a purpose and everything serves a purpose. And humans are the same way. We all have a purpose, we all serve a purpose, and it's whether or not we choose to tap into that. We have complete and free will and if we choose to tap into our calling, to tap into our divine spirit, your creator, if you choose to lean into that, you will learn it and figure it out.
Speaker 1:And I also want to emphasize and I need to hear this just as much as you do on the other side of this that there's no mistake in you. God did not make a mistake in creating you, and that your life has meaning and purpose and every story is a part of a greater plan. And the reason why I say that I need to hear this too is because I, in this season, have been really struggling with depression, depression, anxiety, the loss of hope, the will to live, and I have to constantly remember that that there is a purpose for this pain. There is a purpose for my life and there's a reason for all of this, and some of it is self-inflicted and it's because of the decisions that I've made or am making, the healing that I am doing or not doing, and so I am taking full responsibility of where I'm at right now.
Speaker 1:And, yes, there are some thoughts and feelings that I cannot control them entering me. However, I have complete control over my thoughts. When a negative or impure thought, or a bad thought or a scary thought or whatever that comes into my mind that I don't want to feel, that I know is not right for me, that I know is not healthy for me, at that point in time I have the power and the strength and I have the control to accept it or to reject it. And you do too. You have that control. If you are struggling with anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, whatever that is, I understand that you don't have the control of what pops into your mind, but you, friend, hear me, you have complete control on whether or not you accept that thought or reject that thought, and it has been taking an incredible amount of strength in me to reject these thoughts.
Speaker 1:I have had to stop myself daily, hourly, sometimes by the minute. I have to stop myself and remember that is not a true thought and that is not a thought that I am going to subscribe to, and I reject it. And I have to immediately stop and pray. The Holy Spirit helps me, comes in, heals me and fills me with truth. I have scripture around that I have to remember. Recite cling to there's people that I have to text and say hey, I'm struggling right now. Can you please pray for me? And that is okay. That is okay. I want to tell you that is okay. If that is where you are at right now in this season, or you're not in that season right now, but you have been before or maybe you will be I want to tell you that that is okay.
Speaker 1:I hope that you have the people in your life that you can count on. Go to call in a pinch and tell them that you're struggling and they are with you. They sit with you in it. They don't brush you off, but they help you through it in it. They don't brush you off, but they help you through it.
Speaker 1:So I want to emphasize that your life matters and there's no mistake in you and that God has a reason and a purpose for you. It says it in Jeremiah 1 5,. Before I formed you in your mother's womb, I knew you, he tells you. God tells you that he knew you. He created you. There's a purpose for you. So I want you to hear that, friend, and I also want you to know that your past does not disqualify you. It doesn't matter what you've done or what has been done to you. That does not disqualify you.
Speaker 1:I have made countless mistakes in my past and I continue to make mistakes and I continue to fail. But I fail forward and I'm learning and I'm growing and I'm constantly in communication with God on how can I be better, how can I heal, what can I do? I want to be the best version of myself and I know deep down, if you are listening to this, you want that too. You wanna be the best version of yourself, the smartest version of yourself. You want to be successful in whatever career, if you're in medicine or if you're in real estate, whatever it is. I know that you want to be the best version of yourself, because we were not created to just get by. We weren't created to just skim by by the hair of our whatever I don't know. I was going to say skin of our teeth, hair of our nose, I don't know. I always mess up those. What are they called? Euphemisms? No, that's when you kill a dog, euphemism, I don't know. I don't know what the I? Oh see, I always mess those up. I'm not editing any of that out.
Speaker 1:So your past does not disqualify you. The pain is not the end of your story. So if you are in a hard spot right now, there is 100% opportunities for redemption. So and I know so speaking from a personal experience when I was not living the best life and I was not making the best choices, in that moment I obviously was not thinking positively or, you know, living a healthy lifestyle, and so I was not thinking of a redemptive story. I was not thinking of how is God going to use this for someone else? I wasn't thinking that it wasn't until I started healing and until I started realizing that this is not the life that I want to live. I know I'm called for better. I know that I am not happy, right. So it started with a realization that this is not the life that I want to live and I want to be happy and pursuing happiness. And for me, pursuing happiness and joy and peace led to a relationship with Jesus to which I found complete peace and complete joy.
Speaker 1:And it's not to say that, oh, once you become a believer and a Christian, you're gonna have a perfect, happy life. That's not it at all. Because we sin, because we fall short, because we walk away, because we have free will and we make decisions. When you are living in the flesh that's what it's called in the Bible when you're operating in the flesh and living in the flesh, that means you're doing things of your own desire. When you want to please yourself, it starts to lead to that. It starts to lead to destruction. I just want to encourage you that if you've made a mistake before, that's not the end. That does not. Made a mistake before that's not the end. That does not define you.
Speaker 1:I know I am not defined by my past because I have a Savior that has redeemed me and I know what it means to be forgiven and I know what it means to be changed and made new and I don't make those same mistakes or choices anymore. Because in 2 Corinthians 5.17,. It clearly says therefore, those of you who are now in Christ, you are a new creation. The old has gone and the new is here. So I know that I am not my past, so I hope that encourages you.
Speaker 1:If you're hearing this and you're like oh Lorraine, you don't know what I've done. Friend, I've done some horrible things too, and I also know that God has forgiven me and has redeemed me and I am not who I used to be. If you knew me 15 years ago, I am not the same person as I used to be, and so I just want to encourage you in that, and I also want to be completely vulnerable about my journey and about my struggles. That's what I've always been about is just being open and honest and transparent in my story, because I want to help you, or whoever is hearing this, through the pain and through the crap that maybe you're going through or you might go through, and maybe you'll remember this and you'll listen to it.
Speaker 1:But my story of depression and anxiety and two failed marriages is not who I am. That does not define me. Depression is not who I am. I don't say I have depression because I'm not claiming that, I'm not owning. That I don't say like I don't identify as you identify as someone that has been married multiple times or who has been unfaithful in their first marriage or who's dealt with addiction, abuse. I don't identify as that. That is a part of my story. I have come so far from that. Jesus has walked me through those seasons, those dark seasons, and has shown me the light and has shown me what love is and has shown me what grace forgiveness is, what joy is. I have been through the darkness to appreciate the light, and one of the hardest, like I've mentioned before, this season has been so incredibly difficult for me in a marriage that it's not that it's the worst marriage. It's not that it is. Marriage is a reflection of you and your partner and in any relationship that you're in, that relationship will be as healthy as the least healthy person, and so that in and of itself, always not always, I'm sorry that helps me stay focused on me and my healing.
Speaker 1:I want to constantly be the best version of myself because I don't want my relationship to suffer because of me, right and so typically for me personally in relationships when things get hard, rocky, challenging, when I feel threatened or when I feel like there's no security and there's challenges, I immediately go into fight or flight. My nervous system goes cuckoo bonkers and I go into fight or flight. My nervous system goes cuckoo bonkers and I go into fight or flight. And because of my past relationships, I have had to protect, I have had to provide for myself All these things, operating in my masculine energy not my feminine energy, but operating in my masculine energy, not my feminine energy, but operating in my masculine energy. I realize that and my walls come up and then I leave.
Speaker 1:And so in this marriage I have had to face my demons. I have had to face the music, face the hard times. I have had to face this head on and decide that I'm going to stay and I'm going to fight and I'm going to figure it out. And we have decided that divorce is not an option, that we are going to work on ourselves in this marriage and we are going to stay and stick it out, no matter what that looks like. And that has been the most difficult thing for me because one, I run. When I'm uncomfortable, when I'm hurt, when things aren't going well, I run and I protect myself. Two, my partner usually runs also, so we are both going into this protection mode right. And so I say all this and I'm letting you in on something that's very deep and very personal to let you know, and also maybe to help encourage you that it takes work.
Speaker 1:Any relationship takes work, and I am choosing to work on myself because I know that there is something in me that I am constantly wanting to run away, to pull back, to protect myself and not face what is really going on. So if you're in a difficult season or a difficult relationship and you're coming into a pattern, you're recognizing a pattern, or maybe you're not even recognizing this pattern yet, but you're constantly finding yourself alone, unhappy. Whatever the case may be that it is a negative feeling that you don't want to feel anymore. You have to do the internal work and ask yourself what is it that is repeating? And you have to do the internal work and ask yourself the tough question is it me? Am I choosing the same version, the same partner, just wrapped in a different package that has the same unhealthy patterns? Am I showing up? And when this partner or person triggers me or triggers something in me that is maybe unhealthy or unhealed, and I react in a certain way? Is that a part of me that needs to be healed.
Speaker 1:So, rather than running away and ending a relationship that you're in, how about doing the internal work and figuring out what is it in you that needs to be healed? What is it in you that isn't addressed? What is it in you that, maybe from your childhood, wasn't fulfilled? And now, all of a sudden, in this relationship as an adult, it's not getting fulfilled and you're getting triggered, and you don't even know why you're getting triggered, because it's your younger self that never got this, that you suppressed and pushed away and masked it with responsibilities, with accolades, with accomplishments, with alcohol, with drugs, with relationships, whatever it may be, fill in the blank. But that didn't get healed and that didn't get dealt with. And now here you are as an adult, and now something is triggering you and you don't know what it is. My encouragement is to do the internal work so that your nervous system is regulated, so that you can show up as the best version of yourself, something that I was so happy about, that happened to me. That normally would have been a tough situation, but I was so proud of myself on the way that I handled it, and it was.
Speaker 1:I was driving down the street and I looked over and I saw a car seat in the back of the car that literally it could have not been the same exact one, but in my mind's eye, what I saw was the same exact car seat that I purchased during my second marriage for my at the time husband's children or child, because he had two girls. One was a baby. He had two girls, one was a baby. She was probably like I don't even know, not even a year, maybe a year and so I purchased a car seat. I purchased everything. Let's be honest. I purchased everything that we needed for these two children this seven-year-old and 18-month-old, I don't even so. I purchased everything.
Speaker 1:Part of it was because I made more money and also because all of his check was going to child support and this was my husband, so I was in it right. So I wanted In my mind I was like we are going to have a cohesive co-parenting, I'm going to do everything I can to be as cooperative and loving. And in my mind, I wanted this to work out right. She was remarried, he was remarried, it was the four of us raising these two girls and they were going to have a loving home on both ends. That couldn't be farther from the truth. It was the most toxic, unhealthy. It was awful.
Speaker 1:So, long story short, he cheated on me with his ex-wife, the mother of his children, and so, after he was gone and I was left with a home and a mortgage and a room full of two little girls things that I had to deal with, the car seat being one of them and so I look over I'm driving just recently and I see the car seat and normally I would see the car seat and be triggered because I would see this car seat and it looked identical to the one that I purchased, that I didn't get to use, that I didn't get to put my stepdaughter in, but maybe five times, and I would normally be triggered and I would be angry and hurt and all the feelings would come. But instead, because I've done the work, I saw the car seat and I looked over and I went, huh, not my story. That wasn't my outcome. I didn't get to put my own baby in there, I didn't get to experience having my stepdaughter grow out of that. It wasn't my story. Oh well, hope they have a nice day and I hope they're doing good wherever those little girls are now, and that's what I mean.
Speaker 1:I had to walk through and learn the steps of regulating my nervous system, of healing that trauma, of doing the work, of doing the work of that's not my story doing the work of realizing, when I see something and if it immediately triggers a negative memory, that I have the power to control my thoughts, that I'm not going to spiral in the negative thoughts of what he did, how that was reliving the past. Because when you relive the past, your brain doesn't know the difference of reality and make believe, so the thoughts that you're thinking, the scenario that you're living, whether you're reliving a trauma that really happened or you're playing out a worst case scenario that didn't even happen but you're playing it out in your mind. That didn't even happen, but you're playing it out in your mind. Your brain doesn't realize that and your nervous system doesn't realize that and it takes it as reality. And so that's what you're doing to your body. You're putting your body through all this trauma that either already happened or never happened, but you're putting your body through it as if it is happening.
Speaker 1:And so one, you got to do that work. You got to do that work so you're not doing that damage to your body anymore. Two, you have to be able to regulate your system and tell yourself I'm safe, I'm okay. That wasn't my story and that's okay. And that's exactly what I had to do. That's exactly what I did. I had to tell myself, hey, lorraine, you're safe, you're safe, you're happy, you're whole, you're healthy. That wasn't your story. This is and kept it moving and it can happen. Like I'm telling you, I'm living proof that that healing, that type of healing, is possible and it can happen, and so that that type of healing is possible and it can happen, and so that, so that's like the healing part right Of your story, of your journey, that that is totally possible.
Speaker 1:And I also want to touch on the whole depression situation. I know that that is heavy and I know that it is dark and I know that it is scary. I also know that God is with you in every single part of it. God is with you. If you cry out to him and ask him for the help for the people, for the resources, he will provide it. And I am so thankful for the people that are here with me in this season that I can be open with and vulnerable with and to tell them like, hey, I'm struggling and these thoughts are pretty scary and I don't want to live anymore. And you know, having people that will pray with me and for me, and remembering the things that I need to do in order to spark joy, bring joy. It's spending more time in the kitchen hugging my dogs, more like petting them and walking with them and being with them and allowing them to lay on me and love on me, because they feel it too. I know it's cold but I still get my bare feet on the earth so that I can ground, because that gives me peace, it recharges me.
Speaker 1:Making sure I'm working out that is the most critical part of all of this is moving your body. When you are under so much stress and you have all this cortisol trapped in your body, it's got to come out. So making sure I'm moving and sweating, sweating it out, even if I don't feel like working out, going into the sauna and sweating out that cortisol and getting that crap out. You know it took me getting labs done to make sure that I am healthy and it took me getting on different peptides and medication to help my hormones, to help with depression, to help with all the things, like I had to figure out what it was that is the problem and what I need to do to fix it, and so those are some key lessons that I've learned in this. Also, god doesn't waste the pain, so I am just so adamant about learning and growing and making sure that I am learning through this, because I know God doesn't waste the pain. It can be part of your story and your pain and what you went through and how you got through it can be the playbook to help someone else through their pain and their crap right Through their story. You can 100% help someone through theirs by sharing yours. So I'm always aware and trying to learn. Okay, what can I learn through this? How can I help someone through this? How can I help someone through this? What, what? How can I get better? How can I get better so that I can help someone else through whatever you know?
Speaker 1:Um, and also, the healing starts with surrendering. I had to realize that I am not in control. I can't control everything, and the more that I try to control it, the more that I realize that I'm not in control. And so there is such a freedom in giving up control and surrendering to God's plan, because ultimately, I just want God's plan to prevail. I want God's plan for my life. I don't want my plan for my life because it's going to suck, because I don't know, because I can't see into the future. God knows my whole story, my whole plan, my whole outcome. So why not trust that to someone who knows, to someone who's already been there, seen, done, to someone who loves me more than anyone? Why not trust it to someone that, like I said, knows the plan and is there for you and wants the best for you? So surrendering, that's been a lesson.
Speaker 1:I want to leave you with some scripture for encouragement. I want to leave you with, you know, a good word Psalm 34, 18,. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. I have been reading that and praying that over my life because I have felt so brokenhearted in this time, in this marriage, where I was not sure if he was staying or going. I was not sure if I was staying or going. I've been so brokenhearted this year over business, over failed expectations, over people leaving. So much has hurt this year. But Psalm 34, 18, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and he saves those who are crushed in spirit, and so I hope that encourages you.
Speaker 1:Romans 8, 28. I know it's kind of cliche, but we know that in all things, god works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. So my plan is not God's plan, but I know that if I surrender my plan to God's will, it'll work out. Whatever this is supposed to be, whatever it's going to be, it'll work out. If I completely surrender it, it'll work out the way God intended it to, and I hope that. And I just want you to know that if you're struggling with your faith and you're struggling to believe and you're struggling to hear from God, I get it.
Speaker 1:I've been there too. I have been struggling with it and wondering, like you know, how do I go on? How do I take another step, another breath, like what is the purpose of all this? Because it hurts so much and I don't want to do it. But I remember that God heals, that. I remember this right back here, this little sign that I have back here that God can restore and heal all things, all things. All you have to do is have faith, and I absolutely do.
Speaker 1:I absolutely do have faith that God can heal the depression, the anxiety. God can heal a marriage, a broken, broken marriage with broken people. God can heal it. It just takes people to have faith. So, friends, I hope this has helped. I hope that this finds you perfectly, wherever you are and as we wrap up this year. I know things are getting crazy and I know that you were meant to hear this, and I pray that 2025 is an amazing year for you, and I want you to know that there's purpose in the pain, that you have a purpose, there's a reason why you are here and why God created you, just like there is me, and my message is that your mess can be your message and that your past doesn't disqualify you and that I understand that depression and anxiety are real, but I also know that God is a healing God of all things of individuals, of trauma, of marriages, of relationships. I just pray that you have faith. Wherever you are, you have faith.