The Bite Size Podcast with Lorayne Michaels
A podcast for anyone wanting to become a better human! We'll discuss everything from faith, to life, to business, mental health and healing. Everyone has a story and a journey. I have created this space for you to come and learn. Hear from other amazing humans and how their mess became their message! We all go through trials and tests but only some surrender and let it be their TESTimony! Welcome to the BITE SIZE Podcast Friends!
The Bite Size Podcast with Lorayne Michaels
Healing Past Wounds: Tanya's Journey from Isolation to Empowerment
How often have you felt the weight of your past holding you back from your true potential? Join us as we sit down with Tonya, an inspiring coach dedicated to helping women navigate their healing journeys. Tonya opens up about her own transformative path from feeling isolated to achieving newfound freedom. Through her personal experiences and those of her clients, we unpack the powerful role of community and vulnerability in overcoming deep-seated issues like past abuse. This episode sheds light on the importance of shedding shame and embracing self-forgiveness for real, lasting freedom.
Tonya shares intriguing stories, such as how the brain creates memories to protect us, highlighted through a moving account of a stepson dealing with trauma. We discuss the tailored approach we take to meet each client where they are, depending on their previous experiences with counseling and coaching. A vivid metaphor of a motorcycle burn wound vividly illustrates the necessity of addressing underlying emotional issues for true healing. Plus, we introduce a supportive membership community specifically designed to help women connect and uplift each other through their healing journeys.
Ever wondered how a 90-minute processing call can transform your life? Tonya details the structure and benefits of these intensive sessions, offering a neutral and safe environment to tackle life's tough decisions. From pre-call forms to follow-up messaging support, Tonya's approach is thorough and empathetic. Exciting updates about her new membership program and an upcoming prayer journal/devotional project highlight the importance of taking actionable steps toward peace and freedom from past mistakes. Don't miss this opportunity to connect with us on Instagram and become part of our growing online community dedicated to healing and empowerment.
Find Tonya on Instagram @_tonya_patterson
Where you can find me:
My website: https://theboldbeginnings.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LorayneMichaels22
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Lorayne_michaels/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LorayneMichaels
Welcome to the Bite Size Podcast. I'm your host, lorraine Michaels, former EMT and nursing assistant, now business owner and wild entrepreneur. I walked away from over 15 years in medicine to pursue my passion and my God-given talents. Now I get the honor of helping other women discover their passions and purpose. If you're feeling stuck in life, unsure where to go or what to do, welcome. If you're exactly where you want to be great, you're welcome here too. If you have faced any kind of hardship or setback, you have found a safe place here. In other words, no matter who you are or what you've been through or what you're going through, this is the space for you.
Speaker 1:On the Bite Size Podcast, we'll discuss life, business and faith. There's something for everyone, so grab a cup of coffee and something to take notes with, because there will definitely be things you won't want to forget. Welcome back to the Bite Size Podcast. I'm your host, lorraine Michaels, and today I have with me a fellow coach who loves pouring into women and bringing out the gold in them as well, and I absolutely resonate with what Tanya does, because I do the same thing too, and it's really just helping women break free of their past and realize that they were created for more and that they have more inside of them. So welcome, tanya. I can't wait to dive into what it is that you do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you. Thanks for taking the time.
Speaker 1:I know we've tried to make this work a couple times, so yeah, so I just want to dive right in here and not waste any time. How long have you been helping women do this? So it?
Speaker 2:has been just past a year and a half now officially as a coach, so I've been mentoring for about seven years. But officially as a coach for a year and a half.
Speaker 1:Amazing. Was there something, was there a catalyst that really just helped you realize this is something that's needed.
Speaker 2:It's really just come from my experience in life and my healing journey and when I really stepped in deep I just remember telling God as I was going through and healing I didn't want another woman to walk through what I did alone, because for so much of my journey I felt alone.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I was like, if I'm going to step into this and once I started experiencing that freedom and realizing that there's power and breaking free and it can be done, I wanted to share that with others. I wanted them to realize that with others. I wanted them to realize that this really is possible and you don't have to walk it alone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so important. I was just talking about this I think it was, I think it was this week actually about community and in relation to sobriety and when someone's wanting to get sober, a lot of times they white knuckle it and try to do it alone. And you know, we have this mentality of I can do it, because it started with oh it, like for drinking, for instance. You know, I have control over this, I'm not an alcoholic, I don't have a drinking problem, I have control over it, I can do it Right. So we develop this mentality of, oh, I can do it, I can do it.
Speaker 1:Same with, you know, healing and everything. I can do it, I don't need. You know, I got this on my own, but really, I mean, god calls us to live in community and to do things with one another. You know, a cord of many strands can't be broken. You know, I can't even remember where it's at, but when a brother falls, if someone is there to help him up, but if you fall and you're alone, there's no one there to help you up, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so doing it together in community, I think, is a key part of healing. A key part, I mean, in anything in life. Right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And what I found is that it's so difficult because there is this level of vulnerability in sharing your story and where you're at and the struggles that you're facing. But what I also remember was, especially when I was stepping into healing from being sexually abused as a kid. It is so hard to talk about that. It leaves women feeling like there's no one else that's going to understand my story. And so when I was able to get through some of that healing and find some of that freedom and share my story, it just helps other women to know that they're not alone and to be able to kind of let down that shame guard that we put up, to be able to be vulnerable and step forward, because until we can really start to dive into it, we don't experience that full freedom that's available.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. I think another big part of that healing process, like you mentioned, is that shame piece and a lot of people carry that I know I did for many, many years the shame of what I did, the shame of things that I did to myself, the things that I did to other people. That's important. We're not supposed to carry that. That's just too much for us and it inhibits us from healing. And that is a big part of my coaching as well is uncovering that, because sometimes you don't even realize that you are carrying that shame. You don't, you don't realize that you haven't forgiven yourself.
Speaker 1:And part of my recovery journey I went through a program called Celebrate Recovery and that was a big part of it was walking through forgiveness and learning how to forgive not only other people but forgiveness of yourself. And honestly, that was the hardest part for me was forgiving myself. And just like it says in the Bible, if you can't forgive other people, how can I forgive you? And it's not that God is, you know, this angry God and withholding the love and the forgiveness. But we have to be obedient. And if we are obedient we can walk in that freedom. And he offers that like why wouldn't you take it. Why wouldn't you accept that gift? You know yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, a lot of times, what I found and experienced is that we carry this shame or we wear it kind of as this blanket to conceal, as if it's somehow protection protecting us protecting others, even especially from the truth, and so we don't look at it always as shame as more as protection.
Speaker 2:But it's really just this big weight that we carry around, and that's why I talk so much about. Your past doesn't define you Because, yes, even though experiences of life and things that have happened to you, you make decisions that are not always the best, but that's still that decision doesn't have to define you. Every day, you get to make a better decision, you get to learn, you get to grow, change, pivot as much and as often as you need to. So, even yesterday, you know when we can be forgiven. Day after day after day, every single day is a fresh day. So it's like, even if I messed up yesterday, it's okay. You know, I can still, today, take a fresh step. And yesterday doesn't have to define me.
Speaker 2:It's not who I am, it's something that happened but it doesn't, um, it doesn't define my worth and value as a person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just that instance, I always tell my son you're not lazy.
Speaker 1:Like it's really hard for me to not call him lazy because he's very lazy but I have to remind him you're acting lazy, You're not lazy, you are not a lazy person, so stop doing lazy things. So it's kind of like that you know you're. You are not your action. You might have made a mistake, a bad choice and whatnot, but that is not you. That does not define you. So walk me through, um, without giving away everything. Walk me through a little bit of your framework. When you're working with women, Um, what steps you take them through in this healing journey?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So the first part is I always start sharing my story and my journey and I just lay it all out because I want that space to feel safe, that they realize you can be completely vulnerable, that others have stepped through things that are similar. So it just really opens that floor up to for others to share and to realize there are connections and they're not alone. For others to share and to realize there are connections and they're not alone. And then the next piece is really learning to start untangle those emotions.
Speaker 2:Being able to identify what is holding you back, what are some lies maybe that you've been told, or limiting beliefs you've been told, that you've held onto is your identity, and just being able to recognize those so that we can start untangling the emotions that are tied around that. To be able to start letting it go. Yeah, because it's sounds great and lovely to say we're just going to let it go, we're going to break free, but there's a lot of emotion tied around that and so, being able to untangle that a little bit, it's easier to really lay it down at God's feet and leave it there. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I imagine that's a hard process. Some people have buried it and forgotten about it. Our brains are so incredible at protecting us and I see that especially with my son. He's actually my stepson and his mom's not in the picture and up until the age of five he had a really traumatic upbringing and unfortunately his mother is a drug addict and in and out of jail and we have no idea where she is right now, if she's dead or alive, and he's to the age where he asks a lot of questions and he understands those things and he doesn't really remember her anymore, what she looks like, anything like that. But the memories that he has of her are almost made up. Because I've asked my husband like, is this true? And he's like no, not at all. Because I've asked my husband like is this true? And he's like no, not at all. And it's.
Speaker 1:It's really interesting to me, like how your brain like fabricates a memory to protect you, right? So I imagine like when you go through that phase with your clients, it's a lot of uncovering and a lot of emotion that is repressed or kind of made up. You know, right, I imagine, yeah, so do these women? Have they had counseling before coming to you? Have they kind of worked through some of the really?
Speaker 2:tough stuff. There's a whole mixture of having a lot of counseling or coaching, having some and then having none, and so a lot of the first phase it's just kind of getting to know where they're at, laying out kind of their first goals and what they hope to accomplish, and then just kind of diving in based on how much they're ready to dive in. Yeah, you know, because there's a whole wide array of like resources I can give, but it it is always at their own pace of what they're feel comfortable with. And one of the things that I really talk about, especially when you start diving into deep healing, is that it can hurt and sometimes you just want to hey back away.
Speaker 2:And so a story that I always describe is that I had a friend one time that had a motorcycle wreck, and it was a light wreck, it wasn't major, had a burn on his calf and wasn't bad enough that he thought he needed to go to the hospital. So he was just putting burn cream on at home and a few days later he noticed that it was getting worse and getting red, and so the infection had set up underneath of that because it hadn't been cleaned well enough. And so it's like when he got to the hospital. Of course they had to kind of scrape back what the skin had been healing to get to that infection and treat it. And so that's kind of how I share.
Speaker 2:It is that when we hide from it or step away and try to just cover it, there can be kind of that scab that forms in it. You know you can see some healing going on. But to get to that root, to really start doing that deep inner healing that's going to last and be able to set you free, sometimes you got to peel those layers back a little bit to really address that root and to heal that. And then you know as skin it grows from the inside out and so it takes a little bit but then you know that that inner layer is healed in a strong and healthy way.
Speaker 2:So, going forward like you're going to be able to step forward in a more healed and confident version.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, that's, that's awesome. Tell me about some transformative stories of your clients, obviously keeping them their names, don't tell me those. Like, tell me of some amazing transformative stories that you've seen your clients walk through amazing transformative stories that you've seen your clients walk through.
Speaker 2:Yeah Gosh, one of my clients she also had been abused as a child, so we really kind of walked through that and she had a lot of gaps in her memory and it really bothered her and she kept trying to press in to remember all of it. But again, I just kept encouraging her to you know, take this to God, let's do the steps of healing and walk through this journey. It was a 12 week journey but it was like take that pressure off of yourself to remember and trust that God's going to bring that to you at the right time when you need it. And so we walked through a lot of that entangling those emotions, being able to break free from that shame and guilt she was carrying and stepping into boundaries and what is feeling healthy and safe for you, and then how to navigate resistance that comes when you express those boundaries. A lot of times people will resist. So we walk through. How do you handle that resistance?
Speaker 2:And then along the way like I still get updates from her now, but she was able to start having some of those memories come back and she was actually able to pull out a box that she had had of photos of her as a child that she had shoved away because the memories of those photos were painful but she was able to look at them and not have all of those painful memories come back. She was able to look at them and not have all of those painful memories come back. She was able to look at them and and remember the good times around that and it's like, oh gosh, that is so amazing. I love when you turn from pain to having enjoyment. Then yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, that is, that is such freedom. I love it. That's, that's good. And I'm sure, it's rewarding to know like that you're able to help these women, walk through that and see that and, you know, hopefully start like a chain reaction, you know, as someone can help someone and they want to help someone else. Back to that community aspect of it. Yeah, I know that you we had mentioned it earlier before we started recording you have a membership, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:Tell me a little bit about that.
Speaker 1:How do what are the women um get and um within the membership?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so this membership was really built just kind of out of need that I was hearing from other women to have a place where they could have a community, to touch base with other women that are on the same journey, to just get that support, that encouragement from each other and have a place where it fits their schedule.
Speaker 2:So the membership is monthly so they can come, you know, at any point and sign up. And there is, you know, the live trainings that I do in life Q&As, but a lot of it is also many recorded sessions that are available for them at their own time and at their own pace, and so if they've already worked through you know a certain layer, so they may not need one of the recordings. They can just skip ahead and work and focus on what works for them. And then there's journal prompts in there and exercises, and I try to give a lot of resources for someone that maybe has had no counseling or no coaching, so they can have a lot to dive into. But it's kind of, you know, you cherry pick through what you need, what's working for you, what you want at the time.
Speaker 2:And then according to your schedule and your pace, that's awesome.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, good deal. I hope, or I'm sure, that you see a lot of growth in that community aspect. So are they able to communicate with one another?
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, so right now it is a Facebook group where everything is dropped in there so they can watch the recordings. They can come in there for the live trainings.
Speaker 2:The PDF books are in there as well, but then that just opens the community up for the ladies to connect together and as many resources as I share, there's always another book that I may not know about, and so even that is just so helpful for the women to share with each other of, hey, you know I I read this book or I watched this podcast, or listen to this podcast, or watch you know this video, and so they can share amongst each other and kind of get that support and friendships grow, you know as well, so that beyond the membership, they can still stay connected.
Speaker 2:Yeah it's a space where they know that they're all kind of walking a similar journey and so they just have that kind of bond already built in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that that's. That's such a helpful piece Because, again, like we're not meant to do this alone and when you are going through the healing it does feel lonely sometimes. So having that community piece and that aspect of it is so helpful. Um, and especially if there's tools there, it's not just this open forum where everybody's trauma bonding, because then, that can just spiral into, you know, the opposite direction of what we're trying to do so. Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 2:We don't want to sit in that. We just want to learn and move forward, yeah, and help each other along the way.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Tell me a little bit about what's been the best part of your journey. Coaching these women Like what has been helpful and transformative for you.
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, you know, when you see. I mean I know a lot of people call them like the aha moments, but I call like when you see them actually break through, like they break through a barrier, they break through a limiting belief, and it's like they just really see the opportunity. That's available and they're able to make that mental shift. That is what has just been transformational for me, because I know in my life how I've experienced that and have physically at times, like felt chains fall off of me.
Speaker 2:And so when I see that in other women, it's just like, yes, yes, I just want to keep cheering them on and to know, that they're experiencing that freedom and breakthrough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. What has that allowed for you when you were going through your own healing journey and that breakthrough that happened for you? What did that allow you to do? What did that allow you to step into next?
Speaker 2:Really it's just allowed me to give a voice to, I think, women that didn't even know there was a space for that voice and give a safe space to just process through it, to grow, to heal.
Speaker 2:Because one of the offers that I also have is a 90 minute processing call. Because I am a verbal processor and sometimes it's hard to find a safe space with a neutral party that you can just process through what you're going through or what may be next, because it's great to have family and friends to go to, but sometimes they have an opinion based on them and what they feel might work. We're having this neutral space that's safe to just come in and kind of process and have somebody else ask some clarifying questions based on what you've said is really there to help them come to a decision. So I'm not giving them a decision, but it's just creating this space and then asking questions that come up or that I feel like God is kind of putting on my heart to ask them and it just opens up this thought process for them to make that clear decision. Yeah, yeah, so that's one of the things that surprised me is how well the processing calls and that space, just holding that space for somebody, how that can change somebody.
Speaker 1:What does that look like when you're walking through that piece with a client? Are you guys on a one-on-one call?
Speaker 2:Yes, so ahead of time I send them a form with a few questions so that they can kind of give me an overview of what they're walking through, if it's a decision that's coming up or just a season in their life.
Speaker 2:That seems a little difficult that way, when we jump on this 90 minute zoom, like we're jumping in from the very beginning we don't have to do any catch up, like I know exactly where they're at and what they want to talk through, and so really I just kind of have them, um, talk through a couple of those answers because I do send some specific questions, um, and I have them just talk through a little bit of that um, and they just kind of process what has been going on, um, what is the decision that needs to be made, what's's working, what's not working, and so I'll go through and any questions that come up that I think can help, maybe gain clarity, I'll ask those.
Speaker 2:Or, like I say, any questions I feel like God puts on my heart, I ask them and then I leave them with a lot of resources. So, again, whether that is like podcasts, that's books, that's, you know, devotionals, that's scripture, I just pull all that together and give them resources and then we follow up with a one day messaging access through like Voxer. So, after they have kind of had this 90 minutes processing, a lot of times afterwards, especially if they've dove into those resources, they may have clarifying questions or may want to just say, you know, ask a question or send a thought in to kind of expand, and so we have that day follow up where they're able to ask questions or just process a little bit further.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. And so how often does that happen within your coaching container?
Speaker 2:I mean it really varies, but right now probably three to four a month.
Speaker 1:Okay, so when someone comes to you, they're with you for about three to four months working on this is.
Speaker 2:This is a one time, I'm sorry oh one time. Yeah, yeah kind of a thing. So they fill out the form ahead of time. We have that 90 minute focus one-on-one over zoom, and then they'll schedule a follow-up um one day messaging okay okay, yeah, okay, okay yeah.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Is there anything that you're working on right now? Um, well, I mean, the membership is new, so that's going on, yeah, yeah and how do women find you to connect with that if they want to become a part of this membership?
Speaker 2:Uh, the best place is through Instagram. So underscore Tanya, underscore Patterson. Okay, that's the best Put that in the notes. Yeah, yeah. And other than that. I'm kind of finalizing this prayer journal slash devotional that I've been working on, so I'm hoping to get that out.
Speaker 1:Awesome.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, oh, how exciting. I've done three journals now, Right, I know I know the pain of that, the excitement, the idea and getting that together and um, as a resource for your coaching clients, and then the agony of editing and getting it out there and publishing Right, but it's worth it. I love it. I love being able to offer that for people and just, yeah, it's awesome. Yeah, well, thank you so much, tanya, for your time and talking about your coaching and how you're helping other women step into this healing and realizing that their past doesn't define them. It's so important because I know so many people walk around with that guilt and shame and we need to talk about it more that there's freedom in it and there's forgiveness available and you are so much more than your past mistakes and choices. Um, it doesn't have to define who you are, right, yeah, is there anything else that you would like to say or leave the audience with?
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, Um, you know just taking that step, you know getting just taking that first step because it is so worth it. The freedom, yeah, Um, and the peace that's on the other side is worth more than I think we could even imagine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yep, I agree A hundred percent.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you so much as always.
Speaker 1:if you have found this episode to be helpful or you know someone that could benefit from it or someone maybe that might want to connect with Tanya and her membership, please reach out to us. All our information is in the show notes. You can find us both on Instagram. Tag us so we can say hello. We just love meeting you guys out there in the interwebs and connecting. I hope you guys have a fantastic day and just remember you were divinely created for a divine purpose and there was no mistake in you.