Embracing Vulnerability for Healthier Relationships

Have you ever found yourself projecting your own insecurities onto others, straining your relationships in the process? Join Lorayne Michaels on the Bite Size Podcast as she shares personal insights from her own healing journey and demystifies the concept of projection. Drawing wisdom from Jenny Allen's book "Untangle Your Emotions," Lorayne helps listeners understand how unresolved emotional wounds can lead to emotional turbulence and communication breakdowns. This episode is an invitation to explore the ongoing process of healing with compassion and understanding, providing practical steps to navigate your own emotional landscape.

Lorayne delves into actionable strategies for fostering personal well-being and nurturing healthier relationships. From self-reflection and professional help to self-compassion and effective communication, this episode offers a comprehensive toolkit for emotional growth. Lorayne also highlights the importance of building a supportive community to aid in healing and personal development. Plus, she invites you to connect with her on social media to share your stories and challenges, and explore her coaching programs and speaking engagements. This episode is a heartfelt guide for anyone committed to their healing journey and seeking to enrich their relationships and personal growth.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome to the Bite Size Podcast. I'm your host, lorraine Michaels, former EMT and nursing assistant, now business owner and wild entrepreneur. I walked away from over 15 years in medicine to pursue my passion and my God-given talents. Now I get the honor of helping other women discover their passions and purpose. If you're feeling stuck in life, unsure where to go or what to do, welcome. If you're exactly where you want to be great, you're welcome here, too. If you have faced any kind of hardship or setback, you have found a safe place here. In other words, no matter who you are or what you've been through, or what you're going through, this is the space for you. On the Bite Size podcast, we'll discuss life, business and faith. There's something for everyone, so grab a cup of coffee and something to take notes with, because there will definitely be things you won't want to forget. Hey everyone, welcome back to the Bite Size Podcast, where we dive into important topics that help us live more fulfilled and authentic lives. I'm your host, lorraine Michaels, and we're going to explore a subject that's very near and dear to my heart healing and projecting. Before you tune me out, I want you to stick around, because it's got some really good meat to this. This is coming off of I don't want to say the tail end. This is coming from a place of where I have gone through an immense amount of healing. I've also am reading almost finished, but I've kind of like gone back. I love this book. It's Untangle your Emotions, naming what you Feel and Knowing what to Do About it. It's by Jenny Allen and I absolutely love this book. It's been so eye-opening, having gone through a tremendous amount of trauma right and gone through healing, counseling, therapy, all the things, and then finding this book. I mean, this is like years, months, years in between all of this. And I think I know healing is an ever-evolving journey. It's not just a one and done. You don't just go to counseling and you're done, or you don't just read a book or listen to a podcast. It's ever-evolving because we as humans are ever-evolving.

Speaker 1: 2:43

And so I want to first tell you that I am not coming from a place of judgment or self-righteous, or I'm so much more better than you or I am more healed than you. It is not coming from this place, friend, hear me. This is coming from a place of. I've been here too, I have struggled with this too, and I am on the other side of it. I'm on the other side of some of this right. So I'm coming from a place of. I've been there, I've healed, and this is what has helped me and I want to help you too.

Speaker 1: 3:17

And so what I want to talk about today is healing and projecting. So have you ever found yourself assuming the worst in people whether it be coworkers, friends, your spouse but feeling those intense emotional ups and downs, or even cutting people out of your life with no explanation? And if so, you're not alone, because I too have been there. But these are signs that you might be carrying some unhealed emotional wounds. But don't worry, because we're here to talk about it. I'm here to help you through it with compassion, and I'm here to offer practical steps in your healing journey. So let's get started.

Speaker 1: 4:08

The first point I want to talk about is projection. What is projection? Projection is a defense mechanism. It's where you attribute your own unwanted feelings or thoughts onto others. So, for example, let's say we might accuse someone else of being judgmental when in fact, the reality is you're the one that's struggling with judgment. Or what about emotional wounds? Those unresolved emotional wounds can significantly impact your behavior as well as your interactions with other people, with loved ones, with coworkers it's going to affect it in a negative way. Because it's unresolved and where we haven't healed from the past, we tend to project those insecurities and those fears onto the people that are around us, and so this actually leads to assuming the worst in people, assuming they have the worst intentions, but it's really driven by our own unresolved pain, and so this brings us to the emotional ups and downs aspect that I was talking about.

Speaker 1: 5:34

When we haven't addressed our emotional wounds, our feelings become so intense. It's like a roller coaster. It's these dramatic ups, these dramatic highs happiness and also, conversely, the dramatic lows. One moment we're laughing and having a great time, and then the next moment, something happens and we are raging, or it's just this intense emotion of sadness. So it sounds like I'm being dramatic, but really the emotions are like that. It's these extreme highs and extreme lows, and this inconsistency can really strain our relationships. It can create a sense of instability, and those around us feel that chaos, and that chaos that we feel inside is getting projected everywhere.

Speaker 1: 6:38

What ends up happening, though, is communication breakdowns. That's another common sign of unhealed wounds, so when we don't communicate our feelings effectively, we might cut people out of our lives without any explanation and some people might say well, lorraine, that's just. Those are boundaries. I don't owe anyone an explanation as to why I don't want you in my life. You're unhealthy, you treat me poorly, you know. Whatever the case may be, I don't owe you an explanation. Bye, you handed me the scissors, I'm going to cut you off and I get it.

Speaker 1: 7:18

I was there too, and the two things that come up for me are were they really ever important to you? Because chances are, if they were important to you, you would want them in your life and you would want to know and figure out what is going on, where's the communication breakdown? And you would want to reflect and find out. Why do I want to cut this person off? Well, because of the way they treat me. Okay, and I want to get into the tips and tricks and the solutions for that. But anyways, cutting them off without any explanation, it's not that we don't care, it's that we don't know how to express what we're going through. So that's what it is. So it's either one, they were never really important to you in the beginning, and that's why you have no qualms with just cutting them off, or two we are not aware of how to express the feelings that we're going through and they bring, and or they bring up so much intense emotion that we don't know how to effectively communicate it, and so that leads to a communication breakdown. So the easiest thing for you to do is just to cut them off.

Speaker 1: 8:40

And then, lastly, it's really important to remember that healing is a journey. It requires self-awareness, it requires a tremendous amount of effort and patience. Patience with yourself is the most important, because you're unearthing past traumas, past wounds. You're unearthing all of these things and you're trying to go through them also while living your life and in relationship with other people. But with the right tools and the right support, it's entirely possible to overcome these challenges and to find emotional stability. So what are the solutions? Let's talk about some tips and some solutions for healing, so that you can be that emotionally stable person, that emotionally stable wife, friend, mom.

Speaker 1: 9:41

You want to feel safe. You want to feel safe in your own skin as well as a safe person for others to come to. And it's all about regulating your nervous system, but it has to start with self-reflection. So spend some time reflecting on your emotions and your reactions. So spend some time reflecting on your emotions and your reactions, keep a journal so that you can keep track of your feelings through the day and this way here you can identify patterns in your behavior and this can help you understand the root causes of the projection and then you can start addressing them.

Speaker 1: 10:26

So when you feel the emotion, if it's not a time where you can stop and journal, pause and slow down and feel what it is that you're feeling in your body, where are you feeling it? Are your palms sweaty? Is your heart racing? Are you feeling flush, hot, antsy. You want to move around. What is it? What are you feeling and what emotions are coming up? Is it angst, anxiety, fear, anger? What emotions are coming up? Fear, anger, what emotions are coming up? And sit with yourself, let your body know that you are safe. That is the first thing you need to do.

Speaker 1: 11:13

If you are not safe, get into a safe environment. But if you're in a safe space but you're just experiencing these intense emotions, ask yourself what is this emotion that I'm feeling and where am I feeling it? And then let your body know, let yourself know that you are safe. And then I always practice the senses. There's a certain pattern that you can do. It's 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Name five things you can see. Name four things you can hear. Name three things you can smell. Name one thing you can touch However you want to do it, but what that does is it starts to regulate your nervous system and it brings you back to a state of safety. Sometimes it's hard, it's awkward, but it works because it brings your nervous system down, but it works because it brings your nervous system down.

Speaker 1: 12:06

So the first step was self-reflection. The second seek professional help. Consider therapy or counseling from a professional, and there's nothing wrong with it. I should have stock in counseling and therapy and it's something to go to all the time, not just when things are bad. Listen, we have all experienced trauma. We have all experienced big T, little t trauma. If you are alive and breathing right now and you are over the age of four years old meaning you were alive during 2020 to 2022, you have experienced trauma. Friend, and I'm not saying because you were alive during COVID, you have to go to counseling. That's not what I'm saying, but what I'm trying to get at is we've all been through trauma. I don't care. You can deny it all you want, you can sit there and pretend you're the happiest, most healthy, emotionally stable person. Listen, we've all been there. I am not better than you. We all put our pants on the same way. So seek professional help. Help figure out how to gain the tools that you need in order to become the healthy individual that you are. Finding a therapist who specializes in emotional healing and projection can be incredibly beneficial. It can provide you with the tools that you need and the support that you need in order to navigate this.

Speaker 1: 13:39

Number three cultivate self-compassion. What does that mean, lorraine? Love myself? Yeah, pretty much. Be kind to yourself. Be especially kind to yourself during the healing process, because it takes time, because we're doing things we've never done before. We're experiencing things that we've never experienced before and we're trying to navigate somewhere that we've never experienced before, and we're trying to navigate somewhere that we've never been before. So give yourself grace and compassion. Positive affirmations, positive self-talk, a self-care routine. This helps. It helps with your healing, it helps slow down, it helps with regulation of your nervous system, and it's so important to be gentle with yourself, like when those emotions come up and you don't want to feel the anger or the sadness or whatever it is that you're considering a negative emotion, rather than stuffing that down. Be compassionate with yourself. Emotion, rather than stuffing that down. Be compassionate with yourself. Acknowledge it. Okay, I'm feeling rage right now. Why, what happened? What is this? What triggered it? Right, but be compassionate with yourself.

Speaker 1: 14:57

Number four improve your communication skills. Improve your communication skills. I love this one because we all can improve on our communication skills. I have a friend, damien Cook. He did a masterclass. He did like a workshop training for I don't remember how long it was for, but it was great and it was all about improving your communication skills and I took away a tremendous amount of knowledge. And it was great and it was all about improving your communication skills and I took away a tremendous amount of knowledge and it was awesome. Damien, you should do it again. But anyways, improving your communication skills, learn effective communication techniques so that you can express your feelings in a healthy and safe manner. Take a communication course. Like I said, go find my friend, damien Cook, see if he offers it. Still, it was awesome. You can find books on effective communication, but being able to articulate your emotions clearly can prevent misunderstandings and it can foster the healthy relationships I had a friend that would often take things the wrong way and instead of communicating about it, they would just disappear and they would harbor their anger and their hurt and their frustration and not talk about it.

Speaker 1: 16:28

And I saw it in other relationships that they had. And then it started happening within our relationship, and so, unfortunately, that's a time where you have to ask yourself is this a relationship that you want to continue to foster, build, construct, work through or not? And sometimes it's a no, because people aren't willing to do the self-reflection and to heal those wounds, and so you end up losing relationships because of the poor communication, because of the lack of ability to self-reflect and figure out what's going on within themselves. And so number five is building healthy relationships, and so what you need to do for that is surround yourself with a supportive and understanding community, join groups that are all about healing and who want to see you do better. I know that sounds silly like join a support group, but really I mean, if you're a believer like myself, you're in a small group, and that is in a group of people who honestly want to see everybody within the group doing well and being healthy and whole and happy. So find those people. Jenny Allen has another book, actually, and it's called Finding your People, and that is an incredible book about finding the right community for you to be in and surrounded with. Having a strong support system can make a world of a difference in your healing journey.

Speaker 1: 18:19

So let's recap. We discussed how projection can affect our relationships and emotional stability, the impact of unresolved emotional wounds, the importance of communication. We've also covered practical tips like self-reflection, seeking professional help, cultivating compassion, self-compassion, improving communication and building those healthy relationships. Remember, friend, you're not alone. I have walked this road. I'm continuing to walk the road, but I've walked the road. Before I was in a place of extreme darkness and unhealthy relationships and self-sabotage and I had no clue what I was doing and how much I was hurting everyone around me because I had emotional wounds that I did not deal with. And so by addressing our own emotional wounds, it can lead to a more fulfilling life, building stronger relationships and building healthier relationships. So thank you, friends, for joining me today.

Speaker 1: 19:37

If you found this episode to be helpful, please share it with someone who might need to hear it, and it might be a hard truth but, friend, you will benefit from it and, as always, I would love to hear your thoughts on this, so reach out to me. Feel free to reach out to me. Tag me on social media. You can find me on my website. My website is theboldbeginningscom. Stay tuned for more episodes where we continue to explore the things that help us grow and thrive. And so until next time, friend, be kind to yourself.

Speaker 1: 20:18

But before we go, I want to invite you to share your stories. Find me on social media. You can find me on Instagram. My handle is at Lorraine underscore Michaels, and tag me, message me. Let me know what resonated with you in this episode. Let me know what are you struggling with, and reach out to me. I would love to walk with you on this journey. I have a ton of services that I offer. There's different coaching programs. You can hire me to speak at your event, because I talk about all of this as well. So, friend, remember you were divinely created. No-transcript. No-transcript.