The Beauty of Rejection: Finding Worth, Acceptance, and Authenticity

The sting of rejection is an all-too-familiar pain, but imagine if I told you it's a hidden compass, pointing you toward your true north. That's the epiphany that transformed my views on self-worth and authenticity, and it's what we're unpacking in this heartfelt episode. As we journey through personal narratives and psychological insights, we uncover how the quest for validation, rooted in our formative years, can lead us astray. We tackle the tough questions: How can the heartache of rejection be a catalyst for personal growth? And how does reframing our experiences help us cultivate a healthier self-image?

But this isn't just a discussion—it's a revelation of grace in the face of life's letdowns, inspired by the hopeful message of Jeremiah 29:11. Together, we confront the realities of rejection's toll on our well-being and the crucial role faith plays in turning pain into purpose. I share intimate stories of my own encounters with rejection, not as setbacks, but as divine signposts redirecting me toward my calling. This episode is an invitation to embrace honesty and integrity in both accepting and giving rejection, offering solace in the truth that every 'no' might just be a step closer to the 'yes' that matters most.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome to the Bite Size podcast. I'm your host, lorraine Michaels, former EMT and nursing assistant, now business owner and wild entrepreneur. I walked away from over 15 years in medicine to pursue my passion and my God-given talents. Now I get the honor of helping other women discover their passions and purpose. If you're feeling stuck in life, unsure where to go or what to do, welcome. If you're exactly where you want to be great, you're welcome here too. If you have faced any kind of hardship or setback, you have found a safe place here. In other words, no matter who you are or what you've been through or what you're going through, this is the space for you. On the Bite Size podcast, we'll discuss life, business and faith. There's something for everyone. So grab a cup of coffee and something to take notes with, because there will definitely be things you won't want to forget. Hey, friends, what's going on? Welcome back to the Bite Size podcast. I'm your host, lorraine Michaels.

Speaker 1: 1:16

And today, woo, today, friends, buckle up because this is coming off of just a fierce revelation. A fierce revelation that I have, and I'm excited because it has fired me up and it's freed me from oh, my gosh, I don't know. Obviously, I'm not perfect. Hello, we're always learning, growing, evolving. So I will start off by saying that I am not perfect. I have not arrived, because if I did, I would be dead and I'd be in heaven, because that's when it's final, like you've learned what you needed to learn. When the Lord takes you home Not always, I mean, sometimes there's accidents, but anyways, I digress, this is coming off of a realization that I had, and I just love personal growth and I love introspection, and the reason why I am here and the reason why I'm doing this episode today is because of that, is because of the gift that God has given me of learning and introspection. So today's episode, we are talking about the beauty of rejection, finding worth and acceptance and living authentically, and so, to kind of like, give you an overview of it. Are you looking for a simple tool to help you on your growth journey? Are you looking to improve your mental health, fitness or personal development? Well, I have created a journal just for you. Head on over to amazoncom and order now. Just search. Lorraine Michaels that's L-O-R-A-Y-N-E Created them, as there's something attractive about that.

Speaker 1: 3:22

You were drawn to that person, that energy, and so today's rejection led to a deeper understanding of self-worth, and it wasn't just today, like this happened to me a couple of times this week and not to go into too much detail, but so previously, when I was rejected whether it be a friendship, a romantic relationship, a job offer, whatever it was that I was rejected. Obviously it would hurt and I would be like offended, almost like ew, you know. Like how could you? Why would you reject me? What? And then I would go into this, I would dive into this self-sabotaging negative loop of what's wrong with me? Why are they rejecting me? Why am I not good enough? You know what did I do wrong? I know, with friendships, especially if I wasn't getting a return like a return invite, a return text or communication or whatever it is like I would go, I would pursue that person and try and be friends with them and ask myself, like why don't they wanna be my friend? What is it about me? And it would just be this negative loop of what's wrong with me? Why am I getting rejected? And I would pursue that thing or person that did not wanna have anything to do with me.

Speaker 1: 5:07

And this was also in romantic relationships. I struggled with this. I struggled with this with romantic relationships as well, and it just led to me pursuing men that treated me like crap, that abused me, that it was just unhealthy relationships all together, and so, but today, this week has been a beautiful full circle moment and I wanna dive into like what that looked like, without kind of going into too much detail, but dive into what that looked like, what that could look like for you, and how to change the perspective on it, how to learn and grow from this. Because that's what happened today, the fact that, instead of pushing it away, I leaned into it and was like, okay, god, like what can I learn from this? How can I make this a positive thing? And so that is what we're at today. So, because of this rejection, it led to an understanding and it led to growth and I could look at this in a positive way.

Speaker 1: 6:24

So, first, the first topic I wanna go into, what I wanna dive into is the chase for acceptance, why we seek validation, and this goes back to the psychological need for acceptance, and this goes all the way back to childhood. This is ingrained in us from early childhood. We seek acceptance and validation through achievements, through sports, through grades, through behavior. This is a learned behavior that we develop as children. Think about all those things that I said.

Speaker 1: 7:05

So children act a certain way. Think about babies they do something, or toddlers they do something that's funny or cute, and their parents, guardians, adults, whatever get a laugh out of it, and so they receive that as a positive interaction, and they like the fact that they have your attention. It's positive attention, you're laughing, you're interacting with them, and they repeat that behavior. Right, they continue, they feed off of it. It's a positive feedback loop, and so they continue to do that behavior because they receive positive feedback, so on and so forth. Same thing with achievements in sports. Kids do good in sports, get good grades. They get that positive feedback, so they continue to do it, so that it's already ingrained in us that psychological need for acceptance. So we do those things.

Speaker 1: 8:03

And so what that leads to, though, is this desire for external validation, and so we associate our value and our worth with achievements. And then, as we get older, and now with social media and I don't wanna say as adults, I mean children have social media as well, and it's that instant gratification, it's that positive feedback loop of you post something on social media and you want the validation of the likes, the comments, the follows going viral. It's that external validation and we're putting our worth and our value in something that's external and it's not us, it's not who we are as a person, it's not anything to do with us internally, it's all external, and so that has a negative effect on us psychologically and it also it also a rejection also affects the brain physically. I was doing some research on this because, again, like this whole rejection thing I really wanted to dive into and I really was just asking God, like please, I don't wanna feel this way. And then I got curious and I'm like, why do I feel this way? Why does rejection affect me so powerfully? I don't wanna give this power to rejection, because it's a negative feeling, it's a negative connotation, like there's in retrospect you think there's nothing positive about rejection, but in this episode I'm gonna show you how it can be a positive. But so when I was trying to see the positive in this and learn from this, I was doing some research and so I found that a study done by a psychologist named what's her name?

Speaker 1: 10:12

Naomi Eisenberger, and she's a psychologist out of California, ucla, and she did this incredibly fascinating study with people and rejection. She hooked them up to it's a functional MRI, and so what that is is you know what an MRI is. You lay down and you go in that tube. Sometimes it's an open MRI, but it looks at your brain. It looks at, it can look at a bunch of things, but anyways, so this is a functional MRI of their brain and they hook up leads to their brain to see their brain activity when doing something. And so the study was I don't know I forget however many people it was, but they're hooked up, they have on goggles and they're basically playing a virtual reality game and it's like, if I remember correctly, it's a game of like toss, something to do with a ball, and there's people that are throwing a ball to you and there's six people and they think they're playing with the people that are there with them, but in reality it's computerized and they're actually playing with a computer so that they can get the data on each individual person, but they have programmed it to where the computer has a place, throws them the ball a couple of times and then stops.

Speaker 1: 11:49

So there's that rejection, they're being rejected, and so the whole purpose of it was is they asked them afterwards how did it feel to be excluded? So they were included in the game at first and they thought they were playing with these people, but really it was a computer and so they were interacting with them. And then, all of a sudden, they stopped interacting with them and they were playing this catchball game and they excluded the person. And here's the thing. This is how we know that rejection has a physical effect on your brain. The place that lit up in their brain when they were being rejected is the same place that lights up in your brain when you have physical pain. So the conclusion of the study was that rejection has the same effect on your brain as physical pain. So when you fall and scrape your knee or you hurt yourself some way physically, it affects your brain the same way as rejection. This is huge and I find wildly fascinating. I don't know, I'm a nerd, but anyways, it's social rejection activates the same pathways in your brain as physical pain. So this it's paramount as to why we need to learn how to cope with rejection so that we are not having the same negative effects in our brain.

Speaker 1: 13:27

Something you know I always tie back to scripture and I always tie back to my faith, because it's the cornerstone of who I am and how I've gotten to where I am today. So I will be referencing Bible to this. So Jeremiah 2911 says you know, god knows the plans that he has for you, plans to prosper you and not plans to harm you. So when I face rejection, I need to remember that I need to hold fast to the biblical scripture and the promises of God that ultimately, he has my best interest in mind and it's not plans to hurt me, it's plans to help me. And so when I'm facing rejection, I need to remember that there's a reason for it and I know it's hard when going through it in the moment, but I need to remember that there's a reason for it. And so you know some of the other things, the other physical effects on your health that rejection has.

Speaker 1: 14:30

It also ignites our fight or flight response and, like I said earlier in the beginning of the show, rejection. Nobody wants rejection, nobody wants to feel it, nobody wants to face it. And so before with me personally, when I would face rejection, like I had said, I got this attitude of like Ew, like forget you then, and I would push back. And or, with you know, I would be like fine, forget it and I would withdraw. Or other times I would lean into it in an unhealthy way and be like same thing, like Ew, why? And then pursue that person like why, why don't you want to be my friend? Why don't you want to hang out with me? Why don't you want to date me? Why don't you, whatever it is like this unhealthy, pursuant of it, when instead I need to accept it.

Speaker 1: 15:29

But so that also causes stress within the individual, not the one on the other end, but you, you who's experiencing this rejection, you're. You're experiencing, you know, an increase in cortisol, which is your stress hormone. So that's going to affect your health, it's going to affect your sleep, it's going to cause anxiety, depression, it's going to cause all these negative effects on your body, social anxiety. So learning to deal with rejection in a healthy way is going to help you. One with your brain, because we already know it physically affects your brain to mentally and emotionally and physically. And so the things that I want to, some of the solutions with that I want to leave you with I'm not leave you with, but I want to give you these solutions is trying to see the good in it, trying to remember, like I said, jeremiah 2911 God knows the plans he has for you and it's plans to help you, not to hurt you, plans for prosperity.

Speaker 1: 16:44

So when you face that rejection, remember okay, this isn't for me. God has a plan for me and this isn't it. And I know that's a hard thing to remember. I didn't before in the past, trust me. But today, this week, when these things happened, those that didn't come to me right away, I wasn't like, okay, god has a better plan for me. Instead, I got curious and I'm like okay, god, what can I learn from this? Why is this happening to me? What do I need to learn from this? And immediately, it was Today, not before. But today was not everybody's for you.

Speaker 1: 17:26

Learning you are not for everybody learning that person that is rejecting you is living authentically. You talk about authenticity and living authentically. They're living authentically and you are not for them. Respect that. And I was like, oh yes, you are right. Yes, good on them. Okay Bye. Like literally and I mean this in no disrespect like okay Bye.

Speaker 1: 18:00

And then I was hit with If it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no. And I was like oh yes, right, if it's not a hell yes, then it's a hell no. And pardon my language, but that is the God's honest truth and so I want to live authentically. Also Right, like I don't want to. I don't want to hang out with someone or or try and be friends with someone if it's not fitting. And Not everyone is for you, and that is okay, and so that person might be feeling that way about me, like I might not be their people, and that is okay. You know, and before, like and it's a trusting like before when I I got a response and they gave me a reason and I'm like BS, that's a lie, like don't lie to me, and that if, if you feel like, if you're the person who is rejecting someone and you give them this fluffy answer, I Want to encourage you not to Don't give fluff. Just be straight up, honest. You don't have to be a jerk about it, you don't have to be rude, be cordial, polite or whatever. And and this person very well have given me a truthful answer and what it says about me, like me going yeah, right, that might be something you know within me that I need to work on, of Taking people's word for face value. That comes from Receiving lies, that comes from a lot of fluff given to me and it's not the truth and and here's the thing, here's the thing, that's on them. So if they're not being honest, they're not being authentic. That's on them. Okay, bye, that's okay. Not everyone is for you and that's okay. So I want to give you that freedom. Rejection is okay. Rejection is God's way of showing you. That is not for you. I do not have this for you, and it is okay and I'm okay with it.

Speaker 1: 20:18

There was another thing that had happened to me. Again, don't want to go into too much detail, but it was an event, an opportunity. It was something that someone told me that I would be a part of, and it didn't happen. And I was struggling with their integrity. I Was struggling with something that they said that they would do. I would be paid, compensated, whatever, like this thing, and I did my due diligence to keep in contact, to follow up to all these things, and it didn't happen. And instead of getting angry and calling them out or instead of you know All these negative things and being like, why me, what is wrong? What did I do wrong? Yeah, da, da, da, da, da da. It's not for me, plain and simple, lorraine, move on.

Speaker 1: 21:10

And Today, when I'm praying about this and going through this and I'm like you are absolutely right, god, it's not for me, you have something better for me. So, friend, I want to tell you that If you're being rejected, that's okay. It's not for you. God has something better for you and and your worth and your value and who you are is not in that rejection. Do you hear me? Just because you are being rejected, that does not mean anything. That's not a reflection on you. God has called you to greatness, to be greater. There is value in you, and when someone rejects you, that does not have a direct reflection of who you are or your value. So rejection is okay, because Rejection is a redirection for you. Let me say that again Rejection is a redirection for you, and if it's not a hell yeah, then it's a hell no. Don't settle for acceptance.

Speaker 1: 22:42

Something, something else that you know kind of Was dropped into me when I was thinking about it and trying to process it. There's been times where I have interacted with someone and I I felt I Don't want to say a negativity, I didn't feel a negativity, but the interaction, it was not Melding of energy and I don't want to get too woo, I don't want to get to like Just just hear me out on this so like when you, everything is energy. And when you, when you go into a room I know you have felt this before you have been you know when someone says, oh, you could cut the tension with a knife, that's energy. So when you go somewhere, when you interact with someone, and it feels like tension, that's energy. And so I want you to be aware of that. When you're interacting with someone, when you leave someone's presence and you feel like, oh, drained, tired, well, or you leave someone's presence and you're like, oh, my god, that was the best. I love hanging out with so-and-so, I always have so much fun and I feel so good. You know what I'm saying like there's a difference in your energy when you leave.

Speaker 1: 24:08

People pay attention to that and so before, like I, I know that, and when I was trying to establish new relationships, friendships, whatever, and I was with that person and I was like I don't know, like it just doesn't feel Right and I'm not talking romantically, I'm talking about like friendships or even business relationships it just didn't feel right, like it just we kind of I don't know, it was kind of not friction, but it just didn't feel good, and before I would Still pursue it Because I wanted that friendship, or I would just reject it all together and be like, no, it didn't feel good, I don't want it, I don't like it, they're not for me. Whereas now I'm like, okay, maybe let's try that again. Or I have this introspection of, okay, is it me? Is there something about that person that bothers me, that is an insecurity in me? Is that and I'm not saying that this was it, but like Is that person so happy and full of joy that I'm not? And so I see that in them and I resent them for it, and so that doesn't. It feels icky to me. So it's like asking yourself these questions Is the person super negative? And when I'm around that person, I fall into that negative loop and I'm gossiping in, cussing more and talking inappropriately. Like I ask yourself I'm not saying that this, this is Real, real life examples or scenarios, I'm just giving you examples. So ask yourself those questions, right, and then now, with this rejection, if that person doesn't want to hang out with you or it doesn't feel right and you're not being authentic to yourself, how do you want to feel? Is this person, is this relationship, this friendship, this business partnership, whatever it is, does it feel authentic to you? Is there rejection Again? If it's not a hell, yes, it's a hell, no.

Speaker 1: 26:27

So, friends, I hope this was helpful for you, because I gave you some fire. I gave you some fire, so I want you to embrace rejection. Look at it through a new perspective. Look at it as it's an opportunity for something better. Look at it and realize that this rejection is actually a redirection and it's not part of your journey. Maybe not right now, it's not necessarily a never. Maybe this opportunity can come up again differently, but it's not part of your story right now.

Speaker 1: 27:13

And respect the authenticity. Respect their authenticity. If they're the ones rejecting you, it's not about you, right, but respect the authenticity. You're not for everyone and everyone is not for you. They are staying true to their boundaries themselves. Respect that.

Speaker 1: 27:38

Because you reject people, things, opportunities, whatever, you give your rejection right and you want people to respect your authenticity and your boundaries. So foster that. Accept that. It's a beautiful thing. And so, when I looked at it that way, like, hey, I'm not for them, good on them. I respect them for knowing that and vocalizing that, and if I'm not for them, I don't want it right, that's 828.

Speaker 1: 28:15

And we know that in all things, god works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. So I want to reinforce that Not all things are for you, and God's plan is at work at all times in our lives, and that includes moments of rejection, and it's moving you towards what is for you. Okay, friend, rejection is not a bad thing. It's a good thing. It's redirecting you and whatever that was is not for you. God has something better for you, and I don't know about you, but I want what God wants for me.

Speaker 1: 29:01

Sometimes I pursue things that are not for me and I am so glad that God did not allow it. I'm so glad for those rejections, I'm so glad for those redirections, because it puts me on the path to what is for me, and I love that. So I hope today's episode was everything and more for you. Friend, share this episode, tag someone, tag me, let me know your thoughts on it, how this affected you, how this enlightened you, how this freed you, and remember always, always, always remember you are divinely created for a divine purpose and there was no mistake in you.